Trending | Flash Fiction

Colander illustration - "Trending" flash fiction

There was this trend kicking off all over the internet where people shared videos and photos of drivers doing the dumbest, strangest and most dangerous stuff possible while bombing full-speed down the motorway.

There were endless clips of people putting on makeup and touching up their hair. Lots of people were eating, with one guy chomping on an entire chocolate cake with his hands while at the wheel, without even slicing it up first. Some people changed their entire outfits, others played instruments, and a surprisingly high number did their knitting while trundling along at 70 mph.

But Will and Ken thought they could do better. They wanted viral fame, and they’d do anything to get it, including staging a silly stunt behind the wheel.

Ken opted to be behind the camera – he had an ounce more smarts than his friend – which left Will to be the star of the show. He loaded his ingredients into his car, along with a gas camping stove and an assortment of kitchen utensils, while Ken got behind the wheel of his own car with his phone poised for filming.

As soon as they reached the motorway, it began. Will lit the stove and set a pan of water on top. He peeled and chopped his spuds and dumped them in the pan to boil. Once cooked, he drained them out the window through a colander, then whacked some sausages into a frying pan to sizzle, steering with his knees along the way. Ken kept pace alongside Will’s car, giggling away to himself as he filmed and throwing in a few faux-surprised comments of, “What the hell are you doing, mate?”, “You’re mental!” and “This is craaazy!”

But when Will got to mashing his spuds, things went awry. Mashing spuds takes a fair bit of strength, particularly if you’ve an aversion to lumps, and it wasn’t long before Will’s right arm grew weary. He switched things around and mashed with his left hand instead of his right. That’s when the car began to veer into the next lane.

There wasn’t much time for Ken to panic as he saw Will’s car careen towards his. One minute he was giggling at his mate, the next he lost control of his wheel and found himself spinning towards the metal barriers of the central reservation.

They ended up in adjacent beds in the hospital, both of them battered and bruised and trussed up in neck braces. Will had a sausage-shaped burn mark across his cheek and flecks of spud in his hair.

“What do you want for dinner, lads?” said a nurse. “We’ve got bangers and mash on the menu today.

Will and Ken gagged.

The nurse smiled. “Two plates coming right up.”

Stories that Sing

I write one new story each week inspired by a random song from my Spotify library. This week it was “Mashin’ On The Motorway” by DJ Shadow.

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