Stand Up, Please

“So we’re on this date, right, fancy restaurant, posh wine, candlelight so dim she can’t see my face – we’re onto a winner, is all I’m saying.”

Tumbleweed. This crowd is the worst.

“Then the waiter comes over and brings us a menu. And I open it, and I’m looking through, and it all sounds lovely. Posh shit, but lovely. Tiny things on massive plates, with green stuff smeared on the side like baby poo. You know the sort of stuff.” Continue reading “Stand Up, Please”

Just Passed

I’m gonna have cramp in my hands at this rate. Is that normal? Surely that’s not normal. Maybe I’m holding on too tight. But if I loosen up a bit the whole fucking steering wheel shakes and I’ll end up weaving across all four lanes and I’ll kill everybody.

Is it just my car that rattles like it’s about to explode when I get over 50 mph? Is it ‘cos it’s a doddery old piece of shit? Probably. Couldn’t afford much else though, could I? All my money went on the driving lessons and the retests. Continue reading “Just Passed”

A Great Story

The cottage was cosy in the daytime. At night, it changed.

When the Writer had let herself in through the heavy, wooden front door, observing as she did so the pretty rose bush which creeped up the ragged stone walls to border the entranceway, she’d felt a surge of peace and contentment. This was the place she’d pen her bestseller, she’d told herself, and for an entire fortnight she’d feel right at home and brimming over with inspiration. Only the most exquisite prose could pour from her fingertips when she was holed up in such a serene abode. Continue reading “A Great Story”

Like a Bad Smell

Jeanny lit her third cigarette, much to Cathy’s revulsion. She wrinkled her nose and wafted the smoke away from her face, which triggered a sigh from Jeanny.

“Don’t sigh, you know I hate you smoking around me.” Continue reading “Like a Bad Smell”

The Debate

“Felines and canines, rodents and birds, please welcome your 2017 international presidential candidates, Rex and Pusskin.”

Howls and screeches and squawks went up from the crowd as the candidates made their appearance on stage. Pusskin sashayed towards her podium, eyes narrow, tail swishing gently from left to right to showcase her cool, calm composure. Rex was her polar opposite; he bounded across the stage and back again, tail wagging furiously, tongue lolling from his mouth as he let the crowd absorb his enthusiasm.
Continue reading “The Debate”

The Vampire

“You’re the only one who will not judge me when I tell you this story.”

“Oo, now I’m intrigued. Does it have anything to do with the date you went on last night?”

“Yep.” Faye bit her lip and wondered whether sharing the tale would do her any favours. But she’d already mentioned it now; if she didn’t spill all, Dan would only pester her and pester her until she cracked. Continue reading “The Vampire”

I’m a Dog Person

It would be a dog. It had to be. I’d always been a dog person, and dogs loved me. Whenever I took a walk through the park they flocked to me, tales wagging, mouths wide and smiley, desperate for me to throw them a stick or a ball or give them a tickle behind the ear. I’d never come across a dog I didn’t like, or who didn’t like me. I was 99.9% sure I was going to matched with a dog. Continue reading “I’m a Dog Person”

The ABCs of Lissy and the Tree

Around the corner from Lissy’s home was a funny little park that featured a single tree, a single swing, and a single bench.

Being a loner, Lissy loved the park since few other children ever seemed to play there. Children, after all, tended to roam her local streets in small packs, and this particular park appeared to be set up for the introverts of the world. Continue reading “The ABCs of Lissy and the Tree”