An Open Letter to My Lost Forks | Medium Article

Fork and spaghetti illustration - "An Open Letter to My Lost Forks" blog

Dear Lost Forks,

I’d like to begin by thanking you for your vital, if short-lived, service. Over the past few months, you have done important work in aid of my taste buds and my stomach. You helped me to shovel pasta into my mouth at a rate that is almost superhuman. You allowed me to mash avocado onto toast so beautifully that my Instagram followers were driven wild. You even helped me to tackle the ring pulls on my Diet Cokes when I was afraid of breaking a nail, a task that is far beyond your intended role.

I know that I haven’t always been kind. Many a time I woke you from your slumber in the cutlery drawer, only for you to lay idle beside my plate as I threw my manners out the window and ate my food with my hands. You didn’t pass judgement on this lewd behaviour of mine, even when I ate so viciously that you were splattered with sauce and crumbs like mere placemats. Following this, and to my shame, I would simply mark you as ‘unused’ and replace you, unwashed, in the cutlery drawer.

Without a doubt, it is antics of this nature which have forced you to leave without saying goodbye…

Read the full post over at Medium >


Yeah, I’m writing on Medium! I’m hoping to post one new post -either fiction or silly non-fiction such as this – each week, so be sure to Follow me if you’re a Medium member. I’m looking forward to connecting with more people over there, too, so let me know if you’re a Medium writer.

Assumptions | Flash Fiction

Ticket illustration - "Assumptions" Flash Fiction

“The assumption was that we would meet at 7.30pm, having already purchased our sweet treats and stashed them on our persons, ready to buy our tickets and find the best seats in the cinema.”

“That was your assumption, actually.”

“Instead, you met me at 7.30pm not only without your sweet treats, but without any idea of what sweet treats you wanted.”

“This was a cinema trip, not a military operation.” Continue reading “Assumptions | Flash Fiction”

That Sweet Spot | Flash Fiction

Dog and cat illustration - "That Sweet Spot" Flash Fiction

“Who’d feed us?” said the dog, head resting on her paws.

“Well I can fend for myself,” said the cat, as she stretched out a paw and extended her talons. “These claws weren’t solely meant for scratching the sofa. You, on the other hand, have no idea how to hunt. You’d probably perish. But your ineptitude is none of my concern.”

The dog rolled her eyes. “If you hate her so much, why don’t you just leave? Killing her seems so extreme.” Continue reading “That Sweet Spot | Flash Fiction”

Laughter is the Best Medicine | Microfiction

Laughing face illustration - "Laughter is the Best Medicine" Microfiction

Laughter is the best medicine, but when healthcare comes at a price it is only the rich who are lucky enough to try the tonic.

Jacques made a sound living from flogging laughter, but it was a miserable job. He spent his days trawling the streets, waiting on jokes and witticisms before pouncing upon those who heard them.

As soon as the laughter came tumbling from his victims’ mouths, he’d leap upon them and capture it while it was still fresh. Continue reading “Laughter is the Best Medicine | Microfiction”