Bathtub

‘It’s not fair,’ moaned the toilet, ‘I have to take shit from everybody whilst the rest of you have nice clean jobs.’

‘That’s not strictly true,’ replied the bathtub. ‘I’ve had plenty of shit from that kid. He’s got a dirty habit of doing his business as soon as he gets in me. I mean, how am I supposed to feel like I’m doing my job right when I know there have been turds floating about in my water? The parents think it’s cute but it’s not, it’s pure filthy.’ Continue reading “Bathtub”

Vermin

A certain amount of time ago, not too long but not too recently, a mouse was born beneath the floorboards of a small, shabby pub in a small, shabby corner of rural Yorkshire. He began his life as a bald and blind pink ball, naïve and unaware of his surroundings. All he knew was his mother, and even then he didn’t acknowledge her as a mother, but simply as another larger, furry ball that provided food and warmth. Continue reading “Vermin”