“…so the pig offered a piece of his meat for the bloke to use as a muscle in his leg. That’s why they call it a hamstring.”
“Cool! Thanks, Dad.”
Kids are inquisitive. Too inquisitive, for Jez’s liking. They ask a lot of questions to which nobody really knows the answers, but if you try to fob them off with an “I don’t know, pet,” they’ll witter on and on and on until you’re about ready to lose your mind.
Jez came up with a solution to this problem. Just make shit up. Easy…
CONTINUE READING ON MEDIUM >
“Oh, shit. Dreary January is here. Prepare yourselves for misery.”
“Hi,” says January, face blank, dead behind the eyes.
“Hello, mate!” says February. “How are you doing?”
“Well, I’m skint. I’ve got nothing to look forward to. I’m freezing fucking cold and I hate everything.”
February grins. “Least you’ve got your health, eh?”
January gives a pointed cough. “Nope. Just getting over the flu.”
“Stop whinging, January. You really are a buzzkill,” December slurs. “Have a drink with me, won’t you?” Continue reading “Here Comes Dreary January | Flash Fiction”
She despises these events. Free tea and coffee is fine, but it comes with the pressure of idle chitchat and ‘making connections’ for the company she hates working for.
She pours a mound of sugar into her coffee and catches the eye of a man opposite her. Continue reading “Chitchat | Microfiction”
Have you ever wanted to match your accessories to your mood? Why not go one step further and let your accessories transform your mood!
With the Ultimate Mood Ring, you can switch up your mood in a matter of minutes by simply switching out the stylish stone. Continue reading “The Ultimate Mood Ring | Microfiction”
Just wanted to leave a wee note to say that I’m jetting off on my honeymoon today and will be happily ignoring everything internet and writing related for 10 glorious days.
I’m not deluded enough to think that folks will miss me during a measly 10-day absence but… just in case anyone does wonder where I am, know that I’m okay and not dead and I probably have a nice big glass of wine in my hand. The following gif is a fairly accurate representation of what I’ll be up to: Continue reading “Smell Ya Later | Blog”
Don wakes up with a taste in his mouth that is reminiscent of the arse end of a badger. His head throbs and his stomach feels raw and empty. He’s slumped against the locked door of his local pub, and all around him is chaos.
People are running up and down the street, some carrying baseball bats, others lugging cardboard boxes, more still swigging from beer cans and bottles of liquor. Most of them have hoods pulled low over their faces and they’re shouting and screaming, whooping and laughing. Continue reading “If You Can’t Beat ‘Em | Flash Fiction”
The fortune teller doesn’t notice that her cigarette is slowly burning down to the filter, dropping ash onto her yellowed fingers and the table beneath them. Instead, she is mesmerised by the images in her crystal ball. Continue reading “Ash | Flash Fiction”
The to-do list beckons every day, waiting for its bullet points to be transformed into to-dones. Hours tick by and the to-dos remain, unsatisfactorily unmarked my big ticks or bold strikethroughs. Continue reading “To-Do | Microfiction”
Oh, hello! I would say long time no speak, but it’s only been a little over a week. It feels like an age, though… I’ve missed hanging out in this little writerly corner of the internet.
First things first, thank you for all your lovely well wishes and congratulations on my last blog post. Your lovely comments have given me the warm-and-fuzzies and I really appreciate you taking the time to write them. Continue reading “And Now I Come Crawling Back | Blog”
This blog post is not nearly as dramatic as the title would suggest, I just fancied trying my hand at some clickbait. It’s as unfulfilling as I thought it would be. I just wanted to let you know that you can expect radio silence from me for the next week or so because I’m getting married in six days. Bloody hell…. six days!
My fiancé and I have been engaged for over 18 months and during that time we came *this* close to booking two different venues, actually booked a third one before cancelling it several months later (don’t ask), and then found ourselves spending weekend after weekend painting and DIY-ing and obsessively gardening to get our house in good enough order to host an intimate and “relaxed” wedding reception at home. It’s been quite a journey… Continue reading “I’ve Had Enough | Blog”