Rosemary | Microfiction

“Delicious stew. What’s that lovely flavour?”

“Rosemary.”

“Nice. Fresh or dried?”

“She was pretty fresh. Got a lot left over though, so I might dry her out – make some jerky.” Continue reading “Rosemary | Microfiction”

Questions for Kids | Flash Fiction

“…so the pig offered a piece of his meat for the bloke to use as a muscle in his leg. That’s why they call it a hamstring.”

“Cool! Thanks, Dad.”

Kids are inquisitive. Too inquisitive, for Jez’s liking. They ask a lot of questions to which nobody really knows the answers, but if you try to fob them off with an “I don’t know, pet,” they’ll witter on and on and on until you’re about ready to lose your mind.

Jez came up with a solution to this problem. Just make shit up. Easy…

CONTINUE READING ON MEDIUM >

Oh, Chute | Microfiction

“Wait, wait, wait. There’s something wrong with this parachute.”

“Really? But I checked it myself.”

“Really. Look. Someone’s tampered with it.”

“Well, shit.”

“Fuck! Good thing I noticed now. But this is serious. Who would do this? Do you think someone has it in for him? Trying to kill him off?” Continue reading “Oh, Chute | Microfiction”

Again | Microfiction

“Again… ouch. Again… ugh! Again… aargh. Again… ooo…”

“I don’t really feel comfortable with this.”

“Don’t back out now.”

“But it feels weird.”

“Why? We’re just two friends, helping each other out…” Continue reading “Again | Microfiction”

The Reckoning | Microfiction

The locals thought little of the rock; it had always been there and it probably always would be. But when a stranger came from out of town and took interest in the great boulder, their world turned upside down. Continue reading “The Reckoning | Microfiction”

Future Fitness | Flash Fiction

“Ten quid’s a real bargain for a treadmill. There something wrong with it?”

“We just want rid of it really — not bothered about the money. I mean, it’s a bit temperamental, but it works on the whole.”

“What do you mean?”

“Sometimes the speed setting gets stuck. You have to have someone switch it off at the plug, or just jump off it. No big deal. You could probably get someone to have a look at it, get it fixed.”

“Right. I dunno, mate.”

“Go on. You drove all this way to look at it. Tell you what, I’ll let it go for a fiver. How about it?”

At home he donned his tracksuit bottoms and his trainers and he psyched himself up for his January journey to fitness.

He began with a stroll, speed set to minimum, and it wasn’t long until his heart was pounding and sweat was beading on his forehead.

“Power through,” he told himself, and he mashed at the control pad to increase the speed.

He made it up to a jog. His throat grew dry and his legs burned. He thought about the ice cold beers in his fridge and the pizza place menu on the kitchen counter.

“Power through,” he told himself, and he hiked up the speed once more, just to prove to himself that he could do it.

He hadn’t run anywhere in years. He couldn’t even remember the last time his legs had moved so fast. His heart hammered and his lungs wheezed and the sweat began to pour from every inch of his skin.

“Can’t power through. Don’t want a heart attack,” he told himself, as his tacky fingers pressed desperately at the control pad.

Nothing happened. The speed wouldn’t drop…

CONTINUE READING ON MEDIUM >

Here Comes Dreary January | Flash Fiction

“Oh, shit. Dreary January is here. Prepare yourselves for misery.”

“Hi,” says January, face blank, dead behind the eyes.

“Hello, mate!” says February. “How are you doing?”

“Well, I’m skint. I’ve got nothing to look forward to. I’m freezing fucking cold and I hate everything.”

February grins. “Least you’ve got your health, eh?”

January gives a pointed cough. “Nope. Just getting over the flu.”

“Stop whinging, January. You really are a buzzkill,” December slurs. “Have a drink with me, won’t you?” Continue reading “Here Comes Dreary January | Flash Fiction”

Premium Tears | Microfiction

Buttons from a yellow jacket – check.

Feather from a buzzard – check.

Blood from a bounty hunter – check. And that shit wasn’t easy to get hold of. I hope that dude doesn’t have any vengeful friends. Continue reading “Premium Tears | Microfiction”

Peace and Quiet | Microfiction

“Ready for Boxing Day, kids?”

Amy and Finn are glum. They hate Boxing Day.

“Do we have to, Dad?” Amy says with a sigh.

“It’s tradition,” Dad insists. Continue reading “Peace and Quiet | Microfiction”

Have a Merry Bloody Christmas for 99p

The Kindle version of my debut book, Merry Bloody Christmas: A Short Story Collection, is available for 99p until 26th December!

Grab it now on Amazon


Countdown to Christmas with 24 contemporary short stories

In a gloomy Yorkshire town on a snowy Christmas Eve, nothing pans out exactly as it should…

An awkward breakup, a vengeful turkey, digitalised ghosts and alien abductions.

A chocoholic grizzly bear, a talking Christmas tree, mince pie overdoses and a very bloody murder.

Will poor old Saint Nick make it out alive?

Sad, strange, funny and gruesome, this overlapping, multi-genre collection of tales has a little something for every reader. Curl up with a mulled wine and some fictional festive misery, and discover what Father Christmas really likes to drink when he wriggles down your chimney. Spoiler: it isn’t milk.