And so the ritual begins. Small humans roam the streets, all hyped up on the kinds of treats that big humans typically ration for the purpose of bribery. Humiliating outfits are abound, comprised of old rags, plastic sacks, enormous white sheets, obnoxiously large, wide-brimmed hats, and an array of peculiar masks which make humans look a smidgeon uglier than they already are. Vegetables are carved to look like ghoulish grinning faces and plonked outside doorways and in windows to give us poor felines a fright as we go about our night-time exploits. (Felines other than myself, of course. Nothing frightens me, I can assure you.) Then there’s all the noise—the yells and screams and cries from humans of all sizes, even the ones large enough and old enough to know better. The entire palaver makes my tail itch.Continue reading “A Lockout | Short Story (Excerpt from ‘All Hallows’ Hell’)”
It’s spring, it’s sunny and times are uncertain, but at least we have books, right? On that note, I’ve made my short story collection, Come What May Day, available for free until May 18th. You can grab a copy now from Amazon.
New book! All Hallows’ Hell
I’m working hard on the upcoming release of my Halloween-themed short story collection All Hallows’ Hell, which is now available for pre-order! If you like creepy stories, spooky stories, silly stories and cats, this is the book for you. It’ll be available in ebook and paperback on October 1st 2020.
“INSTALLING UPDATES,” says PC,
I guess I’ll have a cup of tea.
I’ll have cake too, to pass the time,
A good excuse for some downtime.
Cake gone, tea supped, now back to work,
There’s no excuse for me to shirk.
Alas, what’s this? “UPDATES DOWNLOADING.”
Still?! Be quick, my time’s eroding.
She can sense it as soon as she wakes up. Something has changed. There is evil afoot. But why?
She wraps her dressing gown around her, slips on her slippers and heads downstairs. It’s cold. Too cold. The front door is ajar. She peers out and spies a delivery man get into his truck and pull away.
Faint singing draws her into the kitchen – ‘White Christmas’, all out of tune. Her skin prickles with goosebumps.Continue reading “There’s Evil Afoot | Microfiction”
The cliff is fast approaching.
“Car, slow down.”
“Car, open door.”
“Car, please, please don’t kill me.”Continue reading “Request Denied | Microfiction”
I wrote a song parody of ‘TiK ToK’ by Ke$ha for a fab Medium publication called Song Done Wrong. It made me snigger and I’m pretty proud of it, but I do apologise for inflicting this obnoxious earworm upon your lugholes. It takes me back to my uni days… oh, the hangovers.
Wake up in the morning feeling like I’m dizzy
Grab my dog I’m out the door ‘cos she needs to get busy
Before I leave, grab my coat and a big woolly hat
‘Cos when I peer out the door I know I’ll freeze in that
I’m talking icicles from my nose, nose
Wearing five layers of clothes, clothes
Cheeks got a bright red glow, glow
Skip-hopping while dog tugs on her lead, lead
Rollin’ up at the park scene
Tryin’ to get a little bit cosy
Photo by Tucker Good on Unsplash
“They stole our name?”
“How dare they?”
“Their gall is astounding, boss.”
“And I suppose they expect to take over our turf?”
“We can’t say for sure, boss. But it’s a serious possibility.”
“I am incandescent with rage.”
“I’m sure, boss.”
“Bring one of them to me.”
This week’s silly, stupid stories from Instagram and Twitter.
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