Soup | Microfiction

“The soup’s too thin!” the head chef squawked, over and over until the junior chef thought she could take it no more.

She’d done her best. She’d tried to reduce it. She’d tried adding cornflour. She’d tried dolloping in cream. And still the meat soup didn’t live up to the head chef’s standards. Continue reading “Soup | Microfiction”

Food Poisoning | Microfiction

“I’m the most vital ingredient in this dish.”

“Rubbish!” cried Tom. “I’m a beef tomato. Like, the king of tomatoes.”

“You’re just the fat tomato,” sneered Moz, “that’s all. Meanwhile, I’m buffalo mozzarella. Buffalo beats cow any day.” Continue reading “Food Poisoning | Microfiction”

Just Popped Out | Flash Fiction

John lets himself through his front door, tosses his key on the hallway table, and nudges the door shut behind him with his heel.

“I’m back!” he yells into the house.

His wife’s head pops out of the living room doorway. She screams. Continue reading “Just Popped Out | Flash Fiction”

Today’s The Day

“Stop running around like a blue-arsed fly and sit down on the blanket!”

The child froze, then turned to his mother and pouted. “But I’m bored.”

“I’m bored of your whinging.”

“But I’m hungry.”

“So sit on the blanket and eat some berries.” His mother raised her brows to let the child know that there would be dire consequences if he disobeyed. Continue reading “Today’s The Day”

Schnitzel

“So, we’ve tenderized the meat, we’ve smothered it in a delicious coating of egg, flour, and breadcrumbs – seasoned to perfection, I might add – so what’s next?”

The audience remained quiet. The chef waited a few moments to allow them to marinate in their own silence, hoping they would realise how disrespectful they were being. Continue reading “Schnitzel”