Stand Up, Please

“So we’re on this date, right, fancy restaurant, posh wine, candlelight so dim she can’t see my face – we’re onto a winner, is all I’m saying.”

Tumbleweed. This crowd is the worst.

“Then the waiter comes over and brings us a menu. And I open it, and I’m looking through, and it all sounds lovely. Posh shit, but lovely. Tiny things on massive plates, with green stuff smeared on the side like baby poo. You know the sort of stuff.” Continue reading “Stand Up, Please”

If At First You Don’t Succeed

“So,” she said, with one of those forced, straight smiles which do a wonderful job of portraying the awkwardness of a situation.

“Yeah,” I replied, returning the same expression.

“It’s been nice,” she said, nodding gently as though she had to really convince herself of the statement.

“I mean, it hasn’t really,” I responded. “You haven’t enjoyed yourself. Why?” Continue reading “If At First You Don’t Succeed”