Let’s Walk (TiK ToK) | A Song Parody

Panting dog on lead

I wrote a song parody of ‘TiK ToK’ by Ke$ha for a fab Medium publication called Song Done Wrong. It made me snigger and I’m pretty proud of it, but I do apologise for inflicting this obnoxious earworm upon your lugholes. It takes me back to my uni days… oh, the hangovers.

Wake up in the morning feeling like I’m dizzy
Grab my dog I’m out the door ‘cos she needs to get busy
Before I leave, grab my coat and a big woolly hat
‘Cos when I peer out the door I know I’ll freeze in that

I’m talking icicles from my nose, nose
Wearing five layers of clothes, clothes
Cheeks got a bright red glow, glow

Skip-hopping while dog tugs on her lead, lead
Rollin’ up at the park scene
Tryin’ to get a little bit cosy

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Photo by Tucker Good on Unsplash

How To Become a Cat Person | Blog

Black and white cat on a green background

Are you a dog person? Do cats freak you out? Do you see the tiny face and giant eyes of a feline and feel a shudder run through you, as though you’ve gazed directly into the soul of the devil himself?

I used to be like you. A bite from a cat — a cat that had been purring beneath the gentle touch of my fingertips only seconds before it turned on me — put me securely in the ‘I Love Dogs’ camp when I was just eight years old. But now, twenty years on, I can say with hand on heart that I am both a dog and a cat person. Here’s how I did it.

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Photo by Manja Vitolic on Unsplash

Silly Hammy | Microfiction

Hamster clipart - "Silly Hammy" microfiction

Round and round goes the hamster in his wheel, sending up giggles from the human faces which peer through the bars of his cage.

“Silly Hammy.”

“He just keeps going, doesn’t he?”

“Why does he run for so long, Mummy?”

“I suppose he’s just having sooo much fun!”

The hamster lets out an indignant squeak. Fun? Ha! As if, he thinks. His heart hums and his lungs burn with exertion. But look… it might just all be worth it… Continue reading “Silly Hammy | Microfiction”

Fashion, Darling | Microfiction

Zebra print - "Fashion, Darling" microfiction

“I cannot tell you how sick I am of this whole leopard print trend.”

Lenny laughed. “But you’re wearing it, darling!”

“I know, I know. I wish I wasn’t.” Lolly sighed. “Aren’t you tired of seeing it everywhere? Everyone’s wearing it these days. It’s so overdone, and not even done well. Leopard has become the trademark for trashy.” Continue reading “Fashion, Darling | Microfiction”

Kitten Café | Flash Fiction

Yawning kitten illustration - "Kitten Cafe" flash fiction

The Prime Minister rubs at tired eyes and checks her watch. “Right. Give me an update on Kitten Café.”

The CEO of Kitten Café smiles and nods. “All is going well, Prime Minister. This month we’ve adopted out 244 cats within our London branches alone. I’ve yet to gt figures confirmed from other regions but -”

“I couldn’t care less about the cats,” the Prime Minister snaps. “Tell me how it’s really going.” Continue reading “Kitten Café | Flash Fiction”