In Bits | Microfiction

Diamond illustration - "In Bits" microfiction

Sweat beaded on his forehead as he picked his way through the crisscross of lasers. The diamond was almost within his grasp.

His nose tickled. No. No, no, no. How could this happen to him at the very last moment?

He scrunched up his face, pushed his tongue up onto the roof of his mouth, closed his eyes and held his breath.

The tickle intensified. He couldn’t stop it.

“Ah… ah… ah… ACHOO!”

His body spasmed and tripped the lasers. Alarms blared. A steel cage descended over the treasured diamond. Something clicked, hummed and…

WHOOSH.

“Huuarrgh!”

He was done for.

A series of blades had swept across the room and sliced right through him.

“That stings a bit,” he said.

He looked down at his body and noticed blood oozing in perfectly straight lines across his chest, his torso and his legs. He’d been chopped into four clean chunks, and yet he was still standing.

He heard a voice in his ears and remembered his headset.

“Hoyte? Hoyte! Talk to me, damn it.” His wife. She was waiting in the car outside, engine running, foot hovering over the accelerator in readiness for their getaway.

“I’m here,” he said quietly.

“I heard you scream and thought you were dead. Tell me what happened. I’m in bits out here!”

“Hey, me too.” He laughed. Couldn’t help himself. The chuckles rocked his filleted body and the four parts of him began to slide apart. “It’s over, my dear. Get the hell out of here.”

“What about you?”

“I’m not going to make it.”

“No.”

“Yes. I’m sorry. I can’t talk long. Just know that I love you.”

“I love you too.”

And they each fell to pieces in very different ways.


Stories that Sing

Stories inspired by a random songs from my Spotify library. This time it was “Before I Fall To Pieces” by Razorlight.

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4 thoughts on “In Bits | Microfiction

  1. Ahahaha, this was hilarious from the word go! I had quite a bit of laughter myself. 😛

    I really enjoy your stories, Ellie, and love the way your stories’ plot adds to the humour along with your skill with choosing the right words. I’m halfway through “Come What May”, and it is a delightful read so far, especially how each little story is revisited from another perspective. I really feel like I’m observing every bit of the May Day 😁

    One thing I find lacking sometimes in your stories in general though is punctuation. Adding some exclamations or other marks would help us see and feel the emotion like the speaker or the current lense of the story is feeling them. With stories such as yours which are always packed with uncommon occurrences and witty remarks, it would only accentuate the emotions in the story, I feel. 🙂

    1. Thank you! I’m so glad to hear you’re enjoying the book! That’s an interesting point about the punctuation – I tend to avoid using exclamation marks and I’m not sure why. I think I read somewhere at some point that it’s better to use them minimally so that when they are used it really emphasises the drama (though for the life of me I can’t remember where I’ve read that!). It’s something I’ll bear in mind in future.

      1. I used to use them sparingly some time ago myself. A friend pointed it out to me. At first, I had the same point of view regarding exclamation marks as the words in that source that escapes your mind. But I now feel that punctuation marks impart life to the text, make the words animated. But yeah, choosing where to put them is the key! 🙂

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