Get Your Money’s Worth | Flash Fiction

High heel shoe illustration - "Get Your Money's Worth" flash fiction

“I won’t take them off. I refuse to.” She folds her arms and glares at her husband. “And anyway, it was you who told me I should wear them all the time. ‘If you’re going to spend hundreds of pounds on shoes, you better wear them every single day and get your money’s worth,’ you said. So I did. And now you’re blaming me for this mess.”

“I didn’t mean literally every day.”

“But that’s what you said!”

He tugs on his hair, exasperated. “Well, if you’re going spend hundreds of pounds on a pair of shoes which you need to wear every single day to get your money’s worth, maybe you should choose something a bit more practical than some shitty bloody stilettos.”

She gasps. “Shitty? How dare you describe Christian Louboutin heels as ‘shitty’? Who even are you?”

“I’m the man who is inching closer and closer to a watery death, thanks to his wife’s addiction to silly shoes.”

She gasps again. “Silly?”

“Yes, silly. Who in their right mind wears stilettos on an inflatable lifeboat?”

“I didn’t know I’d end up on an inflatable lifeboat, did I? It’s not my fault the yacht sank.”

“But it is your fault that the lifeboat is sinking. And it’ll sink even faster if you pop another hole in it with those ridiculous heels. Take the bastards off.”

“I won’t take them off. I refuse to. And anyway, it was you who–”

“Don’t start again. We’re just going round in circles.”

She stops and sighs. “Water’s getting quite high now. We won’t last much longer.”

“Guess not. Maybe we should start swimming now.”

“Not a chance,” she snaps. “I can’t swim in these heels.”

“Then take them off!”


“You’d rather resign yourself to death than take off your posh heels and have even a small chance of survival?”

She mulls it over for half a second, and then shrugs. “A good woman always goes down with her shoes.”

Stories that Sing

I write one new story each week inspired by a random song from my Spotify library. This week it was “Sixteen Saltines” by Jack White. And it was this little line in particular that inspired the story:

Spike heels make a hole in a lifeboat

I definitely didn’t do justice to how awesome the song is so maybe you should watch the music video and pretend I wrote something equally weird and interesting, yeah?

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