Eau de Poo (A Poem by My Dog) | Microfiction

Hey, how do you do?
Do you see all this poo
that’s smeared in my lovely hair?
It’s a statement, you see,
for the silly lady
who is in charge of my care.

Ellie’s her name
and she is to blame
for the stench I’m carrying round.
The vet said I was fat
and Ellie, the rat,
said a diet must soon be found.

“No more naughty treats,
we’ll watch what you eat
and soon you’ll be slim and strong.”
But I quickly grew bored
of the scant food she poured;
a diet? For me? It’s just wrong!

But I knew of a trick
that would make Ellie sick
and show her just who is in charge.
After walking a while
I’d find a nice pile
and swiftly towards it I’d barge.

I’d throw myself down
and squirm all around
and coat myself nose to paws,
In a vile natural scent
that is reminiscent
of sewers and soiled old drawers.

So that was the plan
and assure you I can
that it went down without a hitch.
I’m blathered in shit,
Ellie’s thrown a right fit
and she knows now that I am top bitch.

And I’ll have the last laugh
when Ellie runs a bath
and retrieves the sweet-smelling shampoo.
She’ll give me a scrub,
then I’ll lay on the rug,
still boasting a faint Eau de Poo.

Ellie’s note: True story.

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Author: Ellie Scott

Ellie Scott is a freelance copywriter and author from Sheffield, England. She has published two short story collections - 'Merry Bloody Christmas' and 'Come What May Day'. Her short fiction has appeared in 'Adler’s Writing', 'One Minute Wit', 'Invisible Illness' and 'VSS365 Anthology: Volume One'. In 2018 she was shortlisted for the Bridport Prize Short Story Award. You can connect with her on Twitter (@itsemscott), Instagram (@tinysillystories) and Medium (@elliemaryscott). View all posts by Ellie Scott

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