Little Timmy sat at the kitchen table with his head in his hands, his tears blotting the ink of the homework that tortured him.
“Oh ‘eck, lad,” said Grandpa. “Wotsmatter?”
“My homework,” whimpered Timmy. “I can’t do it. I need help with my 3 times tables.”
“Times tables, ey? Ba gum, that does sound ‘ard for a bairn like you. Only seven, aren’t you lad? I ‘ad trouble at school at your age an’ all. Tell ya what—you go up to bed and I’ll sort this out for you. Don’t tell t’teachers, mind. It’ll be done by morning and that’s a promise.”
Continue reading “Maths | Flash Fiction”
We always used to buy bubblegum from the ice cream man when he came around in summer. We weren’t interested in 99s and Mr Whippies and ice lollies – the sweets was where it was at, and bubblegum was the crème de la crème of ice cream man goodies.
There was this game we used to play where we’d all try and see how many pieces of gum we could chew at once. We’d hang about on the street corner chomping away like cows, chewing through the jaw ache until our mouths seized up and we had to admit defeat. I was the record-holder – twelve pieces of gum I did, once!
We all got a kick out of it – it was dangerous, according to our parents. Bubblegum’s a choking hazard, see, ‘specially when you’re shoving a handful of gumballs into your mouth at once. There was this rumour that went round about a kid that died from chewing on two many pieces of gum. This big, sticky mass of strawberry Hubba Bubba got stuck in his throat and none of his mates knew how to do the Heimlich manoeuvre and he turned all blue and his eyes bulged out and he pegged it.
Continue reading “Bubblegum | Flash Fiction”
“INSTALLING UPDATES,” says PC,
I guess I’ll have a cup of tea.
I’ll have cake too, to pass the time,
A good excuse for some downtime.
Cake gone, tea supped, now back to work,
Continue reading “Installing Updates | Poem”
There’s no excuse for me to shirk.
Alas, what’s this? “UPDATES DOWNLOADING.”
Still?! Be quick, my time’s eroding.
She can sense it as soon as she wakes up. Something has changed. There is evil afoot. But why?
She wraps her dressing gown around her, slips on her
slippers and heads downstairs. It’s cold. Too cold. The front door is ajar. She
peers out and spies a delivery man get into his truck and pull away.
Faint singing draws her into the kitchen – ‘White Christmas’, all out of tune. Her skin prickles with goosebumps.
Continue reading “There’s Evil Afoot | Microfiction”
Gran pushes a parcel towards me. “I hope you like it. It’s
exactly what you asked for.”
I tug at the bow and claw at the paper, barely daring to hope that she really did get me what I asked for.
“I suppose they must be all the rage,” she says. “I can’t quite keep up with all these trends. It all moves too fast. And I just hope it doesn’t go out of date before you get your use out of it.”
I open the box and I think my eyes are deceiving me.
Continue reading “What A Novelty | Microfiction”
It’s a yellow sticky note today. Blue ink. Just the one line: “Your hair is shit and so are you.”
Bit lacklustre. Not witty, not clever, not even particularly brutal. Perhaps the culprit’s losing his knack. After all, this is sticky note number 398. They’re bound to run out of insults to throw at me eventually. They can’t all be fierce doozies like number 187 (“Mr. Blobby called. He wants his body back.”) or number 249 (“Do something for the greater good. Kill yourself.”). They’ll probably stop soon.
Continue reading “Hate Notes | Flash Fiction”
The cliff is fast approaching.
“Car, slow down.”
“Car, open door.”
“Car, please, please don’t kill me.”
Continue reading “Request Denied | Microfiction”
“8-day walk weeks. Living kibble portions for all. Nationalisation of every squirrel-infested woodland in the UK.
“Free obedience classes for all ages – pups to seniors. Hundreds of thousands of new, affordable kennels.
Continue reading “Vote Dog | Microfiction”
Lit Up published my short creative nonfiction piece about losing my dad. It’s not the most cheerful thing I’ve ever written but we can’t write fun stories all the time, I guess!
His skin is too thin. Not papery — not that frail— but like the corners of a paperback that have been crumpled up and smoothed out one time too many. Each crease seems to be etched deeper than it was just twenty minutes ago. When the blood was still going round.
It’s my first foray into creative nonfiction and I’m really happy with how it turned out. Read it here.
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