Phalluses of Modern Art | Microfiction

A roundup of the very short, tiny silly stories I wrote on Twitter and Instagram this week.


Continue reading “Phalluses of Modern Art | Microfiction”

Singing for Satan | Microfiction

The pentagram was laid out on the floor, the candles were lit, and the sacrificial frog was ribbiting his last in his cage.

All that was left to do was sing.

She took a deep breath and began to croon, eyes closed in concentration.

The devil appeared in a cloud of red smoke. Continue reading “Singing for Satan | Microfiction”

Nice Pair | Microfiction

“Nice pair,” said the checkout boy.

The customer gasped. “How dare you? That’s completely inappropriate. I came here to shop; I don’t expect to be drooled over by an employee who is at least half my age. Disgusting. I want to speak to your manager immediately. What a rude young man.”

The checkout boy pointed to the produce in her basket. “I meant your fruit. The pear? Looks good. They’ve just come into season, right?”

CONTINUE READING ON MEDIUM >

When the Shoe is on the Other Hoof | Microfiction

The horses neigh and whinny furiously, wielding their betting slips between their teeth as they stare at the television screen.

“Go on, you can do it!”

“That’s it, you beauty! Faster. Go faster!”

“Kick. Kick, dammit. Buck like your life depends on it!” Continue reading “When the Shoe is on the Other Hoof | Microfiction”

Blame the Parents | Microfiction

It was with sheer desperation that Ally called the Life Coach.

“I can’t make friends,” she blurted down the phone as soon as her call was answered.

“You can’t make friends?”

“No matter how hard I try, no matter how many times I strike up conversation, no matter how kind or funny or interesting I try to be, I simply can’t make friends. People can’t get away from me quick enough.”

CONTINUE READING ON MEDIUM >

Get Out | Microfiction

“Go.”

“I’m going.”

“Right now.”

“I said I’m going!”

She scowls. “Go faster.”

“Why should I?”

“Because I told you, you arsehole. Get away with you!” Continue reading “Get Out | Microfiction”

Pick a Post-it Out the Jar | Microfiction

The kids sit stiffly around the table, staring at the jar. Pretty thing, it is; embossed with stars. Mum’s reward system.

Behave like a little star,
Pick a Post-it out the jar!

Each Post-it would list a special treat – ice cream, dance party, movie night…

Now the treats are in the bin. Continue reading “Pick a Post-it Out the Jar | Microfiction”

Oh, Chute | Microfiction

“Wait, wait, wait. There’s something wrong with this parachute.”

“Really? But I checked it myself.”

“Really. Look. Someone’s tampered with it.”

“Well, shit.”

“Fuck! Good thing I noticed now. But this is serious. Who would do this? Do you think someone has it in for him? Trying to kill him off?” Continue reading “Oh, Chute | Microfiction”

Again | Microfiction

“Again… ouch. Again… ugh! Again… aargh. Again… ooo…”

“I don’t really feel comfortable with this.”

“Don’t back out now.”

“But it feels weird.”

“Why? We’re just two friends, helping each other out…” Continue reading “Again | Microfiction”

The Reckoning | Microfiction

The locals thought little of the rock; it had always been there and it probably always would be. But when a stranger came from out of town and took interest in the great boulder, their world turned upside down. Continue reading “The Reckoning | Microfiction”