Rosemary | Microfiction

“Delicious stew. What’s that lovely flavour?”

“Rosemary.”

“Nice. Fresh or dried?”

“She was pretty fresh. Got a lot left over though, so I might dry her out – make some jerky.” Continue reading “Rosemary | Microfiction”

Pick a Post-it Out the Jar | Microfiction

The kids sit stiffly around the table, staring at the jar. Pretty thing, it is; embossed with stars. Mum’s reward system.

Behave like a little star,
Pick a Post-it out the jar!

Each Post-it would list a special treat – ice cream, dance party, movie night…

Now the treats are in the bin. Continue reading “Pick a Post-it Out the Jar | Microfiction”

Questions for Kids | Flash Fiction

“…so the pig offered a piece of his meat for the bloke to use as a muscle in his leg. That’s why they call it a hamstring.”

“Cool! Thanks, Dad.”

Kids are inquisitive. Too inquisitive, for Jez’s liking. They ask a lot of questions to which nobody really knows the answers, but if you try to fob them off with an “I don’t know, pet,” they’ll witter on and on and on until you’re about ready to lose your mind.

Jez came up with a solution to this problem. Just make shit up. Easy…

CONTINUE READING ON MEDIUM >

Oh, Chute | Microfiction

“Wait, wait, wait. There’s something wrong with this parachute.”

“Really? But I checked it myself.”

“Really. Look. Someone’s tampered with it.”

“Well, shit.”

“Fuck! Good thing I noticed now. But this is serious. Who would do this? Do you think someone has it in for him? Trying to kill him off?” Continue reading “Oh, Chute | Microfiction”

Apples and Oranges | Flash Fiction

“Ally is quieter than Annie, wouldn’t you say? Annie’s got a touch more confidence. She’s a smidge taller, too. Other than that, they’re exactly the same.”

Ally and Annie’s mother glowered at her friend. “They’re completely different. It’s like comparing apples and oranges. They’re each totally unique.”

Her friend laughed. “They’re identical twins.”

“And they have some similarities, of course. But they’re each unique in their own ways. I don’t want my daughters’ identities to be dismissed as one and the same.”

“Fair enough. Sorry I spoke.”

Ally and Annie pulled their ears away from the wall of the next room.

“That bitch,” Annie said.

Ally nodded. “Yeah. Absolute bitch.”

“We’re identical twins. Of course we’re identical in every way. How could she say we’re not?”

Ally’s eyebrows twitched. “Yeah. How could she?”

“And I’m not taller than you. We’re exactly the same height. You just have a habit of slouching. Stand up straight, raise your shoulders.”

Ally obeyed.

“I’m sick of that old cow always insisting we’re different. Being twins is our thing. It’s our novelty factor. It’s our… our…”

“Hook.”

“Right, exactly. But we’ll put a stop to it. Won’t we?”

Ally mimicked her sister’s vicious smile and crossed her fingers behind her back .“We’ll put a stop to it…”

CONTINUE READING ON MEDIUM >

Again | Microfiction

“Again… ouch. Again… ugh! Again… aargh. Again… ooo…”

“I don’t really feel comfortable with this.”

“Don’t back out now.”

“But it feels weird.”

“Why? We’re just two friends, helping each other out…” Continue reading “Again | Microfiction”

The Reckoning | Microfiction

The locals thought little of the rock; it had always been there and it probably always would be. But when a stranger came from out of town and took interest in the great boulder, their world turned upside down. Continue reading “The Reckoning | Microfiction”

Future Fitness | Flash Fiction

“Ten quid’s a real bargain for a treadmill. There something wrong with it?”

“We just want rid of it really — not bothered about the money. I mean, it’s a bit temperamental, but it works on the whole.”

“What do you mean?”

“Sometimes the speed setting gets stuck. You have to have someone switch it off at the plug, or just jump off it. No big deal. You could probably get someone to have a look at it, get it fixed.”

“Right. I dunno, mate.”

“Go on. You drove all this way to look at it. Tell you what, I’ll let it go for a fiver. How about it?”

At home he donned his tracksuit bottoms and his trainers and he psyched himself up for his January journey to fitness.

He began with a stroll, speed set to minimum, and it wasn’t long until his heart was pounding and sweat was beading on his forehead.

“Power through,” he told himself, and he mashed at the control pad to increase the speed.

He made it up to a jog. His throat grew dry and his legs burned. He thought about the ice cold beers in his fridge and the pizza place menu on the kitchen counter.

“Power through,” he told himself, and he hiked up the speed once more, just to prove to himself that he could do it.

He hadn’t run anywhere in years. He couldn’t even remember the last time his legs had moved so fast. His heart hammered and his lungs wheezed and the sweat began to pour from every inch of his skin.

“Can’t power through. Don’t want a heart attack,” he told himself, as his tacky fingers pressed desperately at the control pad.

Nothing happened. The speed wouldn’t drop…

CONTINUE READING ON MEDIUM >

Here Comes Dreary January | Flash Fiction

“Oh, shit. Dreary January is here. Prepare yourselves for misery.”

“Hi,” says January, face blank, dead behind the eyes.

“Hello, mate!” says February. “How are you doing?”

“Well, I’m skint. I’ve got nothing to look forward to. I’m freezing fucking cold and I hate everything.”

February grins. “Least you’ve got your health, eh?”

January gives a pointed cough. “Nope. Just getting over the flu.”

“Stop whinging, January. You really are a buzzkill,” December slurs. “Have a drink with me, won’t you?” Continue reading “Here Comes Dreary January | Flash Fiction”

2019 Will Be My Year | Microfiction

31st December, 2018

Dear Diary,

2019 will be my year.

I’m keeping myself accountable. I’m making every single day count. Every resolution will be achieved this year. It has to. I need to move on.

1. Lose 10 lbs. I need to be healthier and there’s no harm in looking hotter. That’ll show him.

2. Eat right. Plenty of protein. Healthy fats. Limited sugar. More water, less coffee. I need this body in good nick if I’m gonna do this right.

3. Exercise, exercise, exercise. EVERY DAY. Cardio. Kick-boxing classes. Weight-lifting. I have to be able to lift 200 lbs. Nothing less. If I can’t do that, the whole plan is fucked…

CONTINUE READING ON MEDIUM >