Big-Eared B*stard

Easter eggs illustration

The detective gazed into the glazed eyes of the corpse on the floor and wondered what its last thoughts could have been as its blood spurted from its neck and flooded the floor. Probably, “Oh fuck,” or something to that effect, she thought.

She had three months left on the force, and she’d been craving a juicy case to get stuck into before she stepped into the quiet lane of retirement. This looked like it could be the one.

Her eyes moved from the corpse’s eyes to its mouth, which was wide open and crammed with a single, foil-wrapped egg. At least a hundred of the metallic eggs scattered the floor around the body, and the detective had carefully stepped over dozens more when she first entered the front door of the house and walked up the stairs to the grizzly murder scene.

“We’ve established that they are hollow chocolate eggs, wrapped in aluminium foil,” said the detective’s assistant. “Unsure of the brand, at the moment, but forensics will be working on that soon enough.”

“Have you found fingerprints?” asked the detective.

“Yes, but neighbours have mentioned that the victim had a party here last night, so it’ll be some time before we can establish potential suspects with so many prints to identify. We did find footprints in the garden, though. And they look reasonably fresh.”

“What type of shoe? What size? Are we looking for a male or female?”

“Well… I mean, they’re quite big. We estimate them to be the equivalent of a men’s size 14. But…”

The detective frowned at her assistant. “But?”

“They don’t seem human, ma’am. They’re… well, they look like they come from a rodent of some sort. Specifically – and I know this sounds crazy – but specifically a rabbit.”

The detective raised her brows. It was a juicy case indeed. The Easter Bunny killer.

She’d certainly finish her career in the force on a high note. Long as she could catch the big-eared bastard.

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3 thoughts on “Big-Eared B*stard

  1. Hahahaah!!! This is just up my alley. “Here” cram. Cram. Shove. “Have a chocolate egg buddy. Down your throat” ohhh nice. I’m so glad to came to follow my blog the other day and made me aware of yours. I’m enjoying your stuff. Do me a favor- change the comment settings if that’s okay. You’ve got this long form thing here which discourages people from commenting bc they have to fill out their name email blog etc. Just a suggestion. My point is I want to comment again bc you’re a good writer. Have a great weekend.

  2. I love The Book Thief!
    I am also very honored that you enjoyed “March” so much. Thank you for reading & featuring it here. 🙏

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