Assumptions | Flash Fiction

Ticket illustration - "Assumptions" Flash Fiction

“The assumption was that we would meet at 7.30pm, having already purchased our sweet treats and stashed them on our persons, ready to buy our tickets and find the best seats in the cinema.”

“That was your assumption, actually.”

“Instead, you met me at 7.30pm not only without your sweet treats, but without any idea of what sweet treats you wanted.”

“This was a cinema trip, not a military operation.”

“The result was that you spent ten minutes figuring out that you fancied Pick ‘n Mix, five minutes filling up your Pick ‘n Mix bag, and another eight minutes queuing to pay for it.”

“We still got in there before the film started.”

“By the time we’d bought our tickets, the best seats were gone. We had to sit in the front row, straining our necks to watch the film.”

“It wasn’t that bad. You’re being melodramatic.”

“And after all that, you ended up eating my chocolate buttons – the chocolate buttons I purchased, in advance, from Tesco half an hour before I arrived at the cinema. Your Pick ‘n Mix went untouched.”

“Sometimes I change my mind – is that such a crime?”

“Yes – you should have planned in advance!”

“You should have been clearer about our arrangements instead of assuming what they were!”

“It’s basic cinema protocol – you buy your snacks before you arrive.”

“You know what happens when you assume things?”

“Oh, let me guess. It makes an ass out of you and me?”

“What? No. It just makes you a dickhead.”

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