Resistance is Futile

This is probably too many vegetables for one person to carry unaided. If I lose my grip on these handles I’ll be chasing cauliflowers and apples down the street and looking like a prize idiot. Good exercise, though, I guess. Ugh.

Why does there have to be a bakery three shops down from the greengrocers? Why do they have to leave their door wide open so that the street is filled with the scent of freshly baked pastries and melting chocolate? Why, why, why? Continue reading “Resistance is Futile”

Wrong Branch

“Hi, welcome to the Orange store, how can I help you today?” The store assistant has a sickly smile on her face, but there’s nothing but hopelessness behind her eyes.

“Um, I’ve got a problem with my PeelBook Profesh and I was wondering if you could help me?”

“That’s not something I’ll be able to help you with I’m afraid. We don’t offer tech support in this branch.” Continue reading “Wrong Branch”


“I’ve had a bad week,” says Wendy, as she swirls her car keys around and around her finger. “It’s because I was stressed. Work cut my hours on Monday.”

Gasps and tsks and murmurs go up from the group.

“I can’t believe it. I can’t afford to be working less. I think I’m going to have look for a new job altogether, and I’m not looking forward to that because I’m shit at interviews. Anyway, that was just the start of it. Continue reading “Confessions”

27 Things I Learned by Age 27

I turned 27 a couple of weeks ago. It’s a weird age, 27. Slap bang in the middle between 25 (oh, I’m a sassy mid-twenties chick, cool) and 30 (oh, I’m an actual FULLY GROWN ADULT NOW, fuck). All of a sudden, I feel all grown up, even though most of the time I still think (and probably act) like a teenager.

I considered doing a 30 before 30 list, since I see so many of them on blogs and on YouTube. But with only 3 years left before that milestone, I felt like starting a list now would be too much pressure. So, in the interest of jumping on another trend that I’ve seen floating around for years, I’ll give the “27 things I learned by age 27” thing a go. I have much wisdom to share, obviously. Continue reading “27 Things I Learned by Age 27”

The Lottery

“Hurry up, it’s almost on,” he shouted from the sofa, remote control in hand.

“I can’t find it!” she called from the hallway. She’d already pulled everything out of her purse and was scrabbling through month-old receipts and year-old gum wrappers at the bottom of her handbag.

“If you’ve lost that ticket and it’s a winning one I’ll never forgive you.” Continue reading “The Lottery”

Bubblegum Blues

I saw a little kid walking away from an ice cream kiosk with an ice cream in such a vivid shade of blue that it almost hurt my eyes to look at it.

Naturally, I had to try it for myself.

I approached the kiosk and asked for a single scoop in a waffle cone. Turns out it was bubblegum flavour and it was absolutely fucking delicious. Continue reading “Bubblegum Blues”

Surprise, Valentine

My legs are aching and I know his are, too. We’re both exhausted, but we feel a sense of achievement like no other. I can speak for him, you see, because we’re always in touch with each other’s feelings. We’re a part of each other. He’s in my head, and I’m in his. We can basically finish each other’s sentences. Continue reading “Surprise, Valentine”

In From the Cold

It looks warm in there. The human has its arms bared to the air, so the temperature must be far better than it is out here. The dog looks toasty, too, despite it being bereft of half of its coat. Thank goodness for its impressive ability to grow hair. I couldn’t believe my luck when I saw the human brushing out its downy fur and simply discarding of it on the lawn. Continue reading “In From the Cold”